Saturday, September 18, 2010

Maybe I need Brain Surgery


Most overweight people are open to trying pretty much anything to lose weight. Diet pills, cardboard food, diet liquids, torturous exercise, starvation, laxatives, drinking 80 gallons of water a day, a humiliating blog - you name it - we'll do most anything to lose weight.

I think I've finally found something I won't try, well, probably not.

Brain surgery. Yep. Doctors are now probing the brains of fat phattys and controlling their impulse to eat.

Neurosurgeons drill about 10 centimeters into a brain, on both hemispheres and once they find the "food center" they implant electrodes connected to wires and install two pacemaker-type devices are implanted into your chest to control the amount of voltage that is sent to your brain.


It's called deep brain stimulation by doctors. It's called freaky weird by me.

With the surgery, electricity is introduced to specific parts of the brain that are believed to control specific behaviors, such as feelings of hunger and satisfaction.

To test that the electrodes are in the right spot the doctors are able to make the patient hot, cold, happy, sad, thirsty, nauseous and pretty much any combination of feelings they want.

"They knew exactly every pinpoint," one patient said. "It was like they knew my body. They knew how my body was reacting to everything, and they knew what to do to make it back where it should be."

Once they get a successful response in the food part of the brain doctors implant a permanent generator, and the patient has this constant electrical current to that part of the brain and you just don't want to eat anything that's bad for you ever again.

I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty big believer in the idea that we should control our own brains. The scariest part of this whole experiment is that I'm wondering how bad could it really be?

Yet, despite my failures, I believe we are capable of learning. Take me for example - I've been married twice - won't do it again. My brain learned its lesson. See? My brain is capable of learning. One day it will learn to control food intake and figure out a dozen milk chocolate macadamia nut cookies for one person is Bad, Bad, Bad.

Besides, how do we know that the brain of the woman that had the surgery isn't going to start loving wheat germ now? It's just not worth the risk.

1 comment:

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