Lie to Me?

Sometimes even Mom can't lie to save your feelings.

"I saw you on TV yesterday," Mom said to me the other day.

"What was I doing?" I knew what I was doing that got me on TV (covering a court case for the newspaper), what I meant was was I moving or standing still.

Is it only fat people who are obsessed with their exact position in video/photographic media? I'm no exception, in any case.

You know where this conversation is going, right?

"You were standing still ... " she said.

My mother is so observant, which makes her hesitation on my next question hard to figure.

"How did I look?"

Crickets could be heard. She stared at me wide-eyed. She took a puff off her Marlboro. The sun set and the moon rose. No words were spoken.

"Did I look really fat?"

Even the crickets didn't speak. Her face started to form a questioning look, but she must have thought better about pretending that she didn't hear or understand the question.

"I know, it's bad, I was the fattest person there," I said. Yes, the art of self depreciation is alive and well.

"Well, maybe you should try to lose some weight," she said.

And there it was.

Sometimes even Mom can't lie to save your feelings. Sometimes we just need to hear the truth.

Photo: Mom singing in the choir at church. She is a living saint, which is why she didn't lie.