Painting with a purpose

Flying by the seat of ones pants does not work out so well when you’re as heavy as I am.

Since I’ve began my weight loss plan — without a plan — today I decided to incorporate exercise into my other routines and chores.

This morning, for example, while painting my basement wall, I did squats and lunges to reach the bottom of the wall instead of just sitting on my butt like I wanted to.

While lunging for the low corner of the wall I thought really hard about how many calories I surely must be burning, something I’m sure registered more deeply within my fat cells.

I also attempted some yoga while I brushed my teeth, but almost choked on my toothbrush during my one-handed version of “downward facing dog.”

I do not suggest yoga during teeth brushing. It was a stupid idea that nearly cost me my life. I could still be lying there dead in my basement bathroom, alone, nude, with my dog licking the water droplets from my freshly showered dead body.

Turns out I’m going to need a better plan. With a plan, however, I will likely be weighed down (pun intended) with too many restrictions — the same reason for my two failed marriages. Ouch.

I’m thinking maybe some bike-riding, or perhaps I’ll even dust off my roller blades. I could try jogging as I cut my grass. Not only would I be burning calories, I’ll be getting my chores done in half the time!

I’m thinking I’ll video myself doing whatever I decide on … you never know … I might end up with America’s Funniest Video and some fat cash (another pun). Ye Gads.