FAT = STUPID

I might actually be dumb because of how fat I am. I guess I can stop blaming my parents.

A study just published in the journal “Human Brain Mapping” compared the brains of people who were obese, overweight, and normal - aka probably too skinny - and found that Fat people have less brain mass.

For the record, according to my Wii Fit, I’m obese. My Wii Fit may also be obese – since it is a big idiot.

In any case, I’m not alone.

The World Health Organization estimates more than 300 million people across the planet are obese, and another billion more are overweight. None of these people live in Hollywood.

The study, which I found at Naturalnews.com indicates that being too fat also causes brain degeneration and maybe even Alzheimer’s disease.

The scientists set out to document whether the brains of normal, fat and obese people were the same.

I’m no scientist, but I could have told them the answer – PHAT people have way better brains than stick chicks – suck on that skinnies. Come on, don't be mad; at least let us have the brains.

What the guys in white coats found was that obese and overweight people had between four and eight percent less brain tissue than people of "normal" weight. That probably explains alot of the things that go on in my family.

Wouldn't you know it? Three months on this weight loss plan and the only place I’m losing weight is in my brain? Unfreakinbelievable.

This study marks the first time anyone has established a link between being fat and having what scientist Paul Thompson called ... drumroll please... “severe brain degeneration.”

Alright, Mom, you were right.

Thompson said, “The brains of obese people looked 16 years older than the brains of those who were lean, and in overweight people looked eight years older.”

Great. I'm fat, Stupid and have a brain like a milkshake. Ooooh. Milkshake. Yum.

I assume this study explains where those five pounds went. Goodbye brain - you never did me much good anyway.

It turns out that the largest area of brain loss was in the the sensory lobe.

My theory is that us PHATies don’t have enough "sense" to stop eating and the Alzheimers effect makes us forget that we just ate - Ooo a cookie! I want one! Co-worker: "You just had one." Did I? I don't remember, give me another one.

I'll bet those scientist were skinny. PHAT scientists would have never started this study. Is there such a thing as a PHAT scientist? I don't think so. I wonder what's up with that. If I wasn't so stupid I'd try to figure it out.

This picture is of three of my brothers, known here as Obese, Fat and Skinny, using their combined brain power to nearly burn down a forest. For the record: I told them it was a bad idea. P.S. No trees were harmed during this incredibly stupid act. My study indicates that the scientists were probably right, as it was Obese's idea to start this fire.