The Exercise Banshee

Denise Austin exercise video = Devil.

This morning, as I finally put my first evil exercise DVD in the player, I couldn’t help but believe that my karma had come back to bite me.

I shouldn’t have slacked off at exercising as many times as I have.

The video I chose - Denise Austin’s Personal Training System - gives you a choice between low impact/beginner, medium impact and HIGH (areyounuts?) impact.

You use your DVD player to choose your selection – easy, gimme the lowest setting ya got.

Not quite that easy.

My remote apparently is broken and wouldn’t let me change off of HIGH (Idon’thaveaprayer) impact mode.

The thing about exercise videos is they’re tricky.

I decided I would go ahead and do the video on HIGH impact, but in my own slacker way.

I didn’t want to change the disc now, I was too invested, or lazy – plus it took me 10 minutes to choose that disk – does that count toward minutes exercised?

No matter how hard I tried to tone the exercise (way) down I kept finding myself trying to keep up with those smiling, sweat-free, zombie-like fake women behind the leader devil, Denise Austin.

“Come on, you can do it, feel that fat melting away!”

It’s a good thing my 5-pound hand weights were being used to balance table legs, or I’d be exhausted.

“Higher, higher! Come on, lift those legs!”

Yes, everything is said with a smile and an exclamation point.

Afterwards, while laying at the bottom of my stairs, staring toward the top where the coffee was waiting, I felt good about my workout.

Also, I’d found a new place to vent my anger in safe and productive way.

I should probably leave my weights under table though, because for as much as I dislike Denise Austin, I DO like my TV and want to keep it – in one piece.