Consumed by Consumption

I recently spent an enjoyable night at the ballpark which, despite the riotous grand time I had, included a LOT of calories and has me debating the merits of light beer.

(Disclaimer: Whatever you do – DO NOT consider the following to be in any way factual or correct.)

I didn’t know, until now, that light beers have less alcohol content than regular beer and ultra light beer has even less.
There is a paltry 50 calorie difference between ultra light and regular beers, however the alcohol content drops by an astounding 1 percent! E-gads!

So, in order to get the same buzz as your regular beer-drinking buddies the logical thing, when drinking light beer, would be to drink more.

I’ve been looking to justify my consumption for years, especially to my parents, who always act mortified at family get-togethers by my drinking ability. (I believe secretly they’re equally impressed.)

Beer is derived from the Latin verb “bibere” meaning to drink

Anyway, maybe ballgames aren’t the place to practice dieting.
Hot dogs are a given - a must-have and I did. I ate my tasty frank while imbibing over 1,100 beer calories if you don’t account for the extra 4 ounces in those stadium cups, which I don’t.

Add to that the nachos at the end of the night to absorb all of the alcohol and the cheeseburger I’m craving since said drinkfest and we’ve got a pretty hefty calorie count.

There is scientific evidence, however, proving fried and fatty foods are medically required after a night of drinking. (Not really, but everyone knows that aside from alcohol itself, a hamburger, with bacon and cheese, is the best cure for pretty much anything.)

I’ve told my mother a million times that though alcohol does not have nutritional value, it does encourage eating after the fact, which is nourishing both to body and soul. Duh.

The urge for post-bacchanal grease is probably due to a slight salt deficiency from the alcohol and the need for energy which comes from greasy yums yums.

No really, energy comes from calories, and fat alcohol causes the body to produce insulin which burns up the blood sugar, blah, blah, blah.

My point being, drinking beer, light or otherwise, results in a mega-million calories and a really fat ass.

Drinking regular beer, in the long run, however, will save money, but light beer will make it seem like you’re drinking more without getting too drunk. While my mom says it’s not a sign of maturity to be able to hold a ton of liquor – you will appear more mature than your drunken friends, which is worth it.

Question: Is light beer worth it?
Answer: Absolutely.