Feeding Multiple Personalities

The intro to Weird Al Yankovic’s video for “I’m Fat” — a parody off of Michael Jackson’s “Bad” — reminds me of the silent argument I’ve been having with myself lately.

Yo homeboy, where you been man, we’ve been lookin’ for ya.

Yeah, we ain’t seen ya around Burger World lately, so where you been, huh?

… Wanna piece of pizza? I think I got an extra piece around here somewhere?

No, that’s ok, thanks.

Yo, Ding Dong, man, Ding Dong, Yo.

No thanks, really.

Yo, eat this man, it’s good for you.

I’m not really very hungry right now.

Hey man, what it is with you? You on some kind of diet? Is that what they teach you at that little sissy school of yours?

Back off me man, back off!

The question is: Are you PHAT? Or What?

Leave me alone!

I said, are you PHAT?

Get off me man, stop it!

You ain’t down with us no moe, you ain’t PHAT. You ain’t PHAT.

You ain’t nothin’! You ain’t nothin’!

In my version, I play not only the food pushing thugs, but also skinny Al, who is trying to avoid overeating.

The skinny Al in my mind is my youthful, thin, high school-aged self, fighting against the much PHATter, (albeit smarter, prettier, funnier and more awesome) current self.

Perhaps having all of these personalities inside my head is the cause of the PHATness? I'll settle for any excuse at this point.