Oh My Deep Fry

Today while perusing the Internet I found the ultimate diet secret - are you ready? Drumroll please. (bombombombombombombombombombom)
Eat less and exercise more. Ta-da!

What? Your expectations were higher? Well perhaps your bar should be lowered as mine is every day this diet progresses.

Another thing I learned today? The average coney dog has about 400 calories and there are about 374 in the average order of breaded, deep-fried onion rings.

Deep fried. (salivating) Yum.

No, I didn’t eat them, my co-worker Jason did. He also had breakfast and said he’ll have dinner as well (I asked). He couldn’t care less about my envy.

To keep myself from snatching the dastardly hot dog out of his greasy hand I started quickly adding up the calories in his meal.

Again, he didn’t care. He doesn’t have this blog to contend with.
According to the FDA, the average “normal” diet contains between 2000 and 2500 calories a day.

If we were talking cash I’d like those numbers, but were talking calories and it turns out I spend those much faster then a 16-year-old girl buying clothes with her parents unlimited credit card.

WebMD suggests that I should learn about smart snacks and diet danger zones.

I beat them to the snack thing – I thought.
I eat plain, styrofoam-like rice cakes because I “like” them and it gives me something to do. Surprise! Those tasteless time fillers contain 40 calories each. I’ve been known to eat seven a day. 
That’s 280 calories. I could have eaten over half an order of onion rings with numbers like that!

Another tip: Understand your weight loss personality. And oh, do I. Right now my personality is angry and cheated.
I have a new meaning for the calorie danger zone. Unfortunately I'd have to x-rate this blog if I wrote it.